Relationships are what we have even if we aren’t aware of them. The relationship with that little lady at the bus stop you say hello to every morning, the relationship with your friend you have known since you were at school, the relationship with your manager at work, the relationship with yourself, your relationship with God.
How we feel is a large part of relationships, what we feel is larger part and some feel attraction to other men. I suppose for some this is one hell of a journey. It has been at times for me. At others it has been joyous.
For me a large question that I have been trying to deal with — is how do I become who I am meant to be while listening to my heart? How do I become that man I am meant to be and still get closer to God. Or to put it in direct terms, how do I develop as a man who strives for perfection, spiritual evolution and still be honest about myself. I suspect that to be perfect I have to recognise myself with total honesty and not lie about this to others or myself.
I have a firm belief in God. It has developed over years and I am at a point now where I am beginning to realise that God is not going to leave me. God will be with me forever. That is a pretty awesome thought when I sit and meditate on it. I usually sit on the edge of my bed and look at the picture of God I have on my wall and talk and listen. God is with me. People are not perfect and slip up at times, but God is there always. It is difficult for me to even get this idea.
I pray almost every night and also read the bible. I have found that has helped me as it extends my relationship with God and reminds me of God’s presence. I use the pronoun to be gender neutral in respect of woman who may read this post. And God is above gender in a few ways.
The place I am at is more peaceful than where I have been. At times I believed I was forsaken, isolated and in serious spiritual trouble. I was. The story of my inner life, my spiritual life is a pretty wild one as it must be for a lot of people and I would like to share some parts of it.